journey inwards

Astrology , Numerology or jus Zoology?

2007-07-12T05:34:00.000-07:00

Its here , its there, Its everywhere. "Fortune of the Day", "Sunshine signs" and it goes by a dozen other names.In weekday supplements, weekend specials,Page 4 columns also the Home page for social networking sites. Made me wonder if people take it so seriously that someway or the other it finds its way into almost every walk of life. Especially in a country like ours where "auspicious" is one word thats associated with everything from a new anything to burning an old something. Can you believe it? We have rules even when we are getting rid of stuff. I still haven't figured out why I am not allowed to cut nails past day light.This goes to everything thats related directly or remotely to superstition.

I don't take astrology seriously. But that never stopped me from reading it and feeling good(never bad).There was this one time when my "Fortune of the Day" in Orkut read "you are next in line for promotion in your firm". Ironically this was the very same day I quit my job. Now, I know this may be exaggerating it a bit, still some how that got to me so badly that I never]cared for ever since. I refuse to accept that the month someone was born has something to do with how that person lives. I am a Leo, and every time I read anything on the Leo sign it always says PROUD PROUD PROUD. Like the rest of the human race is shameless or something. Also don't tell me that only people under the Gemini sign suffer from split-personalities.

I'm reading a book called Genome by Matt Ridley which despite kv's reviews took me 2 years to get my hands on. The tag line goes this way "The Autobiography of a species in 23 chapters". He attributes any and every aspect of a person to the 23 pairs of chromosomes that each of us own. A few facts from it put together with a lot of day dreaming at work brought up more questions than answers. Why is sex linked to harmonal activity while love isn't?. Apart from being the symbol of love the human heart doesn't have one bit of association with the feeling, does it? If I'm understanding it right then everything is harmonal. Take for example a beautiful picture file of a baby or a porn movie or for that matter this very Doc file. Each of this boils down to just a series of 1's and 0's when it gets stored. Itshow its interpreted thats makes the difference. The same can be said about what people do day-in and day-out.And this mostly depends on the culture of the location of the exhibiting species. Now which sounds better, A person's characteristics depending on the location of the stars, the sun, other planets and asteroids at the time of his/her birth or depending on where he/she is at the time of exhibiting it.If you're throughly confused, I have made my point :P.

[Excerpt: Matt says the human species is 97% the chimpanzee
and vice versa. hmmmmmm that explains a lot of stuff]

the blunder years

2006-11-27T21:46:00.000-08:00

There are these few highs in life that you
can never forget come what may. The excitement,
the rush, the pride et al.Its not just you who
remember all of those. Friends, family and every
single person,known and unknown, who happened
to share those moments with you do too.But to
think of the way the human memory works, its not
just the heroic moments that are etched forever
within us.There are the days of doom, the heights of
embarrassment, the epitomes of shame and so on
and so forth. In a very weird sense I started to
recollect a few. In return it all came screaming
back to me in a way that beyond a point I started
thinking how on earth I survived all those.

A few excerpts:

[I should of course mention that I had to censor
quiet a few and that I get embarrassed very
easily]

Back in 7th std I used to take the bus home.
The famous 27B. If I remember correctly chennai
had about 16 buses on that route and there was
one crossing our school between 3:05 and 3:10pm.
There was this one time I was on one of them
when it happened. The bus broke down some place
in P.H.Road.The conductor to go by tradition called
for everyone to push it back to action.Almost all
the "men" got down. I wasn't sure what exactly to
do but then I though what could be the worst thing
that could happen, so I got up. I barely reached the
steps when this crazy college guy had to yell out
"hey arnold, ukkaru" (THUUDDD). The entire bus had a
pretty good real laugh..all but one

Years before that, probly 2 or 3 years before
I wanted to become a someone in cricket.My game
wasn't bad at all for an average kid. So I pestered
my dad to get me into the school crick club and
he gives in after sometime.First day Im out there
hitting, fielding , not blowling and everything
seemed to go fine. After the class all the kids
clad in dirty-white, a rare shade that.A result of
rolling on red soil to make that dive catch when it
could have been stopped with your toes while holding
a book in one hand and a sandwitch in the other.
but what the heck everyone wanted to be a hero.
Anyway after everyone comes around, the coach
started to read aloud all the names ,some kind of
attendence probly and my name was left out.This
was a relatively simple situation I understand, but
at that time I was not a relatively simple boy. So
I cried (i know most of your reactions would be.
... Duh!!!??).It was so so embarrassing for years
together after that.I didnt feel that bad even when
my off-stick went flying to the first ball of the match
in a inter class tournament.

This one is highly reasonable and anyone, no
matter how high a threshold for public humiliation
would loath such a memory. One evening I was
playing with all my colony buddies. There was
this kid who got a new dog.It was black and
hairy, a little weird though.I love dogs but
there was something about this one which constantly
made me wonder what it actually was. So we're all
playing with it and suddenly this dogs freaks out
and starts chasing me. I think he thought of me as
something weird as well.So I try to figure a way out
and climb on the side walls of the steps along the
grill. The damn dog kept jumping and trying to attack
me. Just when I was trying to avoid it my bermudas
got caught in the grill and I slipped from the stairs.
(THHUUUUDDD again). Few seconds later I was badly
bruised, had a dog smelling my crotch and the
worst part was my bermudas was torn in half. It was
in pieces hanging on to me like some kinda ultra hip
skirt or something. My house was two streets away and
it was a summer evening so it was all bright.Rest is
history..no catastrophe.

[I know this sounds a lot "wonder years"y but watching
a lot of it was actually why i wrote this. Please do leave
one or two of your own experiences]

hope am right , doesn't matter if not

2006-11-07T04:04:00.001-08:00

[I know its been long since i written anything but the fact is
that i didn't feel like. Somehow i'm not able to blog like one
would write a journal or diary or something.]

Year 2006 has been the best and worst for many reasons.
From january to June I spent most of my time at office.
Weekends at Hot shoe doing the thing i love doing and
not be bothered about anything else. It was a wonderful
life. Since June Its been a rough ride. I tried to juggle work ,
cat and dance and 4 months later i realise I'm the wurstest
[sorry grammar lovers..I believe bad worse or worst wont do
justice] ever in juggling. Then I decided to give up my job and
do something which I never would have done in a million
years..Sit and prepare at home. I can only laugh at myself.
Yeah, I read somewhere that part of healthy living is to learn
to laugh at yourself. Apparently the guy who said that didn't
mean, make a fool out of yourself and then laugh. I spent the
entire of two months doing so many things Im never used to
doing. Sleeping till 8 in the morning , starring at the wall for a
surprisingly long time , sitting and deciding what to do for the
rest of the day was a great pass time in itself, lots and lots of
listening and playing music.

I think Ive reached a stage where its all became a little too
overwhelming. So I sat down to decide my plan of action
based on the things Ive experinced in the past 6 months.
Here are my observations

1. I can never do the same thing for too long, even if its doing
absolutely nothing.
2. Dance means life to me and I cant stop doing that no matter
what.
[Might contradict with Pt 1 but thats the truth]
3. I have always been an average or above average guy
in anything I do and forever will be.
[I have made my peace with that In thankful for who I am
also I set a very high threshold for success]
4. I always set out to do something with utmost conviction and
end up doing something else which I find even more interesting
and in the end regret neither.
5. NO matter what people say or suggest there are few things I will
go only my way.
[Sorry guys..thats the way it is but i appreciate your effort]

And now for what I figured out is supposedly going to make
my life smoother.

1. If I want something I have to give my everything to get all the
way there
[There are no intermissions in life]
2. I cant hold on to everyone and everything If i want to get
somewhere. Apparently people dont move, neither do ropes
of success.
[One has to let go to get moving]
3. I have to live my life better than anyone could ever do.
[Be true to yourself and everything else will fall in place]
4. Above all accept myself for who i am and deal with the consequences
[For if I change to make things better I am no longer living "my" life]

single , loser , both or neither

2006-10-02T10:20:00.000-07:00

I look around and I see so many people, so different so diverse but there are a obvious few things that puts them all, atleast most of them, together. Its comfortable to be overtly critical about these people and about what they do and how they live, pretending or feeling right about what I believe and do. But then i decided to turn back and see , to actually take a step behind and tell myself "what if i were wrong". Now this could be seen as lack of faith or opening up to the possibilities of the could-be's.After all why should I always be right.

Let me start with a little confession. For a while now Ive been feeling a little lonely. It might be coz i spend a lot more time with myself than I used to, which was zilch. But coming to think of it I just realised that it actually bothered me that I am not with someone. Now relax,this is not going to be me whining about the fact that I am single. It sure is not. 8 out of 10 people out there are either committed or term themselves as having a boyfriend or a girl friend or both or any other way they wanna call it. The real question is, what exactly is going on. Its one thing to have identified someone from the opposite sex as an ideal match[sounds a lot simpler ..doesn't it??], a whole other thing to be parading your new find without actually any sense of committment, respect or in most cases, direction. And the funniest thing is, the association of the word "loser" for those who've avoided the trap. I ain't sticking up for the singles communinty nor am I terming all single people as "in control of their lives".

But if I am a loser because im 23 and I am still single, coz I know what i want, coz I can face the fact that I still haven't met the right one, coz I believe when the right one comes along I will hold on to her, cos then nothing could ever get in the way of me working things out no matter what. Then I dont mind being a loser after all. However, why am I not ok with everybody's attitude towards relationships . That its not really necessary you know where your going. Not to make a big deal out of how long you are together and jus be bothered about if your having fun.To actually go with intuition (a fancy word for "harmones" isn't it). Why does it freak me out to even consider anything of this sort. One of the things I cant accept is the ease with which people say "thats my ex" or "things didnt work out" or "that bitch ruined my life". Instead of it being a sign of one's inability to run a smooth relationship, that and a few other similarly weird things seem to determine the fanciness of one's social life. Does this what having a little spice in one's life mean???. As much as I'm convinced that I am living a sensible life , i must confess , I am equally doubtful if what I am doing is actually missing out on somethings you ought to have experienced at certain stages in life.

jus cos everybody's doin it????

2006-09-15T08:50:00.000-07:00

so, here he is, a specimen of modern day fad, a victim of lifestyle, doin that thing he does Or rather doin that thing
everybody does. Dressing up in clothes that do not suit let alone
fit, throwing up an attitude that a five year old would identify
as faked, twisting the tongue, probly the only movable muscle in his body, to try and pronounce the simplest of english words to sound "english",failing of course, Misearably. How long has it been since people have stopped living as themselves n started living to lifestyle or whatever??

It's pretty common these days to see people picking up everyday statements to brighten up their personal profiles. But at what point is it going to occur to them that everything thats there need not be taken home. May be this would be a good one to start with, everybody's pocket pet. A gazillion people own mobile devices that can take pictures apparently, play recorded music, off late record videos and a whole lot of other not so important crap.Now, im not against "capturing cherishable moments", supposedly, but hello!!, once all those clicking and saving happens , in most cases,I see what appears to be a picture, with blips of light here and there, looks more like the negatives of yesteryear. When finally you gather for a nice evening or chill-out session , out comes Mr.i-can-take-pics. Somehow when one dude comes out theres like this mating call and bam!! before you know everybody's out. I don't understand what kinda fun this is supposed to be although I should confess, after a loooooot of resentment, guess what, i joined the club. Because beyond a point people stop paying attention to you because they are busy taking pictures and posing for one at the same time.

next stop. FASHION. Somehow this has to be updated four times a year or probly more for some. The truth is chennai's summers hit 40+ and takes up like 4/5 ths of a year ,Ms.winter however visits jus for the heck of it. well except for last year. But the big names all have spring and autumn collections. for what???. doesn't it sound weird that when you dont have the season what ya gonna do with the closthes for it. If they dont have anything to do with the season in chennai why don't they name their stuff something like "the kathiri collection" for summer wear, or the "pot hole wardrobe" for stain free winter denims??..wont they be remotely appropriate??. Also, Why dont people stick to clothes that actually suit them. Everybodys wearing pants that cling on to the latter half of their butts. For Some it really looks cool. But its hilarious in most cases. Women have lost it too. Its true you wear what you like and to hell with everybody else. But it takes taste and sense to know whats good on you and whats not.After all aren't you selling yourself. You do wanna be an attractive package dont you. Unnecessary flamboyance for coffee shops and movies. Oh My God. Since when did attractive start to mean make-up for walking your dog. Do you realise thats its his "shit" time and you might be stealing his thunder.

And these are just a few obvious things. Its sad people dont appreciate their self anymore. Everything has to be done for everybody's sake. Its actually frowned upon to admit my favourite eatout is a small platform shop in a not so known corner of the city. Somehow your not so "happening" if you not doin the "in thing".Its been long since I stopped caring. But it certainly doesnt feel good with the air of artificiality all around. Phew!!!!!

the journey inwards

2006-09-09T06:37:00.000-07:00

i wondered and still do
if it made sense and if it were true
that there was never an end to the journey inwards
may be i'd find out if i spill enough words

i've learnt that the secret to a smile is to put it on someones lips,
that it makes my day when someone says "felt like talkin to you" ,
that i hardly have fun at expensive eatouts, that unnecessary
extravagance annoys me , that music is the elixir of my life, that
the worlds best pillow is mama's lap, that I value the people arnd
me, that when Im dancin im oblivious to everything around me and if we both are able to connect then im actually lost in rhythm ,that its important to respect yourself and to respect the fact that people respect themselves, that theres nothing called "true frns", 'cos if its false then it doesnt make sense, that you shouldnt give a damn about criticsm when you know what you doing, that if you really mad at someone you should sleep over it and if it still stays in the morning you should yell it out, that when some people really deserve it you should give them the finger and if they really really worth it give them both, that whenever I waste food , I realise I could've fed a person an entire meal, that macho guys are mostly faking it, that I like both the known evil and the unknown angel, that I can make friends with absolute strangers, that I'm running out of time...oooops.